Wedding Wednesdays: How to Say No

Let's face it—you're not going to love every idea, suggestion or detail others want you to add to your wedding day. You're just not. However, saying "no" without offending someone, hurting their feelings or making them feel excluded can be tough terrain to navigate. Before you decide to politely smile and nod to every request that comes in, remember there are plenty of ways to get what you want without negatively affecting others. The Knot shares how!

All Kinds of Requests
Even if you have the most laid back family members and friends, there's something about a wedding announcement that makes people get very particular about their wants and expectations. While we can guarantee big requests will feel daunting—your mother wants you to wear her dress, your aunt wants to make your wedding cake or your hobby photographer friend wants to shoot your wedding—don't underestimate the small asked-for details too.

A Practice in Compromise
If the key to a successful marriage is all about compromise, then think of wedding planning as lots of little opportunities to practice. That doesn't mean you always have to give in and become a doormat for everybody's wants and needs but your own. But it does mean stepping back to evaluate what really matters to you, your future spouse or the people making the requests.

Just Say No—Or Something Like It 
Compromise is one way to avoid being a negative Nancy, but not all requests are that simple. For example: a parent's request that you get married in a church when neither you or your fiance consider yourself to be religious. Budging on your values may not sit well, and that's where a bigger conversation needs to be had. While the ultimate goal is to turn down the request, a straight "no" can feel harsh. Explain to your parents or in-laws how you feel and what the venue you'd like to use means to the two of you as a couple. They may not like it—or be willing to help pay for the expense— but if it's a decision that you feel is best, then it's the right course of action.

Not every request requires a sit-down, but each does require an answer. Instead of saying no, consider:

A Tweak to the Request: If mom wants you to wear her wedding dress from the early 1980s, but the dress looks like it should stay in that decade, ask if you can wear her veil instead. Or maybe see if she'd consider a bespoke gown made from the dress, merging your two styles into one fresh new gown.

Repurposing the Request: Even if your aunt is a great baker, if she's never made an actual wedding cake, it's natural to feel a bit iffy about her abilities. Instead of your wedding cake, ask her to put her baking skills to work making cupcakes to serve at the rehearsal dinner instead.

Try a Less Important Day: Your friend's photography skills may be good, but there is a lot of lighting and lens knowledge needed to beautifully capture the all the little details of your day. Ask him or her to instead shoot your engagement photos, allowing him or her to give you a gift and be involved without the risk of losing cherished memories from your wedding day.

It's okay to say no! It's your day, make sure you have it your way. Practice these techniques and devour the details of turning your family and friends down gently with help from The Knot!